Hell. It seems to be a pretty good topic for this year. Tomorrow morning my son flies to Iraq to spend the next few months wearing army fatigues and carrying around packs that weigh more than his younger brother and seeing and dealing with the atrocities of war. Yesterday we said our good-bys. That was "hell". You try to be so brave and strong; you don't want your children to see how much it affects you, you want them to go forward with their life with your support and trust. Which he has, he is a great young man. But I don't like putting my son in harms way, when they are little you watch them and care for them and shelter them. You don't let them swim unattended at a small age, or cross the street until they are well prepared and have learned to "look both ways!" You ran along side while they learned to ride a bike, even if it almost killed you and scraped your arms as you caught them. But army, there just doesn't seem to be a motherly kind of feeling when you say the word 'military'. He's a man, not a boy, he will do me good, he will do his country good. God Bless him. Pray for him and all the soldiers.

Well, it is true, I haven't kept even one of my new years resolutions and it is already the middle of January. To be honest I haven't even started some of them. I seem to be at a stalemate in my life, I don't have the energy nor am I in the mood to make any changes. I am trying to surround myself with affirmation that I am where I am suppose to be and that I need to spend more time relaxing and enjoying where I am right now. (It is really crap, and I know it), but helps ward off the guilt that seems to swirl around me on occasion when I haven't made any changes or accomplished anything in the last few days. Don't worry, my complacent attitude will change, as it does with all of us. We all have this drive to be a little better, or accomplish a little more, it isn't always good, because we; especially women don't know how to put limits on ourselves. We spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to others and to their accomplishments. We forget or trivialize all of our own accomplishments, we miss seeing the greatness in ourselves. That is what I will focus on this week; noticing all that I do, not what doesn't get done. Focusing on the fact that I haven't screamed, or yelled or slapped anyone that obviouslydeserved it! Noticing what I have done, and what all those around me have done this week, instead of what we haven't done. Damn, life looks better already!

Keep going, we are doing great!!... Take a deep breath in and start another day!!

New Years Day

Congratulations, you and I are still alive. Starting anew is a great feeling, followed only by sweat, procrastination and humiliation until we again start a new year with renewed confidence.

I know, you are wondering, why "Fresh Batch of Hell". It was a saying that my dear Grandmother used to use every time someone knocked on her door. My grandmother lived on a farm/cattle ranch back in the days when no one ever came to your front door, there wasn't even a sidewalk leading to her front door, they were mostly for show and for the occasional Fuller Brush man selling his wares and later for the Avon lady. Everyone always came to your back door, you didn't even really knock, just kind of a large rattle and yelling "hello, it's just me" as you walked in. You knew who the "just me" was, that is the kind of town it was. I think it must have been where the saying "back door friends are the best friends" came from. So, if someone took the trouble to walk to your front door and knock, you knew it wasn't something you wanted to deal with. Bad things came to your front door, i.e. the Government was condemning your ranch, someone was killed or injured in a war, or a so called "low-life" wanted to court your daughter. No matter what it wasn't good.

Therefore; the phrase... When someone knocked on the front door my grandmother would mutter under her breath.."I wonder what Fresh Batch of Hell this is." I have come to understand this phrase in my life I have opened doors, letters, hatches and windows to fresh batches of hell in my life. I'm learning as I age as to what is better left shut.

Join with me in this journey of living and learning. May all your resolutions come true and may you not even open one, single batch of hell this year.